i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
