Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I believe in your delicious
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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