i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
