Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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