told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
