yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
