spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
