I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
