This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
