I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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