How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
