what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
