youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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