So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
