i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bring me that man meat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
