I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
