So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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