I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
