So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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