She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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