hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize