drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
