Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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