Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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