I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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