So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
