I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
