Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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