So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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