I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
