im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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