just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
