I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
