is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
