I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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