Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
