im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
