whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
