i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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