Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
