Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
where are you?
Hypothermia
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
