The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
