I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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