quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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