Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she pinky promised me she was 18
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
