I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
