So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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