I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize