An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize