i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
