his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
