You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
