Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
