so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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