im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
