Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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