My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
