It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
