I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize