why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
