Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
