Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
