She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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