I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
