I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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