she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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