i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
