okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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