I wannas sexs uuuuu
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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