suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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