he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
