I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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