The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize