I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
