Jerry, you need to find god
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
