Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize