That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
