we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
