the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
