if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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