Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
