official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
