i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
