Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wear drunk well.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
