Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
