you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
