i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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