I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
