I hope mine doesn't look like that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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