Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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