my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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